Let’s say you’ve got a friend (several, probably) that you’ve corresponded with online for years. You know how it is, a bunch of e-mails, maybe a group blog, some instant messaging, “digg this for me please”, hanging out in the same discussion groups and forums, those kind of things. You think you know him, he’s a friend.
However, you have never actually met this person. Maybe you’ve had a voice or video chat, but that’s it. Your primary way of communication is IM and e-mail.
Do you trust him? And if you do, would you lend him money?
I’m just wondering, because over the years I’ve had to decide on things like this numerous times, in fact, I just did a few weeks back. Trust prevailed, that time, but it hasn’t always. It is a hard thing, I think, and although I’d rather give someone the benefit of a doubt, sometimes I just can’t do it.
So how about you? Have an online friend asked for support in any way, be it money or something else, and how did you handle it? I’m curious.
I live by the proverb F. Mulder lives by; Trust no one.
I have many good friends I’ve only met online, but in general you should have a bloody good reason to ask me for money. I more or less never lend money to people I know in person.
That’s probably the most sound way to manage it, but then again, it is hard to say no to a friend in need. Still, in a way I agree with you. It’s just like doing business with friends and family. Don’t, unless you’re on a totally equal footing. Which isn’t to say that it won’t be trouble anyway.
I’ve done favours for online friends: Checked shops for hard to find boardgames for friendly enthusiasts, bought and shipped a comic book that was out of print but plentyfull near me. I’ve even, on one occasion, let a particularly good friend of mine stay at my place for a while after he and his fiance moved to the country.
But I think that I would draw the line at any serious commitment, such as lending money. Especially if it were a considerable sum. It’s not that I don’t trust those friends I’ve made online, it’s simply that it’s too easy for things to get mismanaged. If I buy a comic book for someone, I’m not dependant on the recipient paying me back. If I loaned money, I’d probably have more than a few sleepless nights thinking about my money, in a different country or continent altogether.
If someone did ask me for a loan, I would probably suggest it was time we met face to face.
I have thought a lot about this subject for quite some time. The question you asked here is simple, however I feel sure the answer will be difficult. I tend to be a very private person that is open to the public… For some reason lending money to a friend does nothing but add stress to the friendship forever by changing the “equal footing” mentioned by TDH. I have only a few online friends i would even consider lending money if asked. I think I would still say no unless I had just hit a jackpot at a casino. BTW this has happened and I could really use the $$ today.
Am going to watch this and get back. An online friend is having a problem and asked if I would help…
If it was something like a micro-loan — less than $20 — I’d consider it. But, probably not. If your real life friends won’t lend you money, I’m not going to either.
Good point, Dixon.